Zell's Fines
by Funkitated
Summary: Zell keeps getting fined and needs money, Seifer stole Squall's special newspaper. Now the FF8 gang are on a drive to Balamb, but the drive is taking suspiciously long.
1. Listerine Strips and Gum

This is my first fic ever! Hope it is funny! I do not own Final Fantasy 8, Disneyland, Listerene strips, Gohan and Chi Chi, and the legend of Zelda (possibly other stuff). Gohan and Chi Chi do make a special appearances! Pleeeeeeease make a review of any kind after you read! Thank You! & onto da story! I hope you like….  
  
  
  
  
  
Zell's Tickets  
  
  
  
Zell went storming into one of the many rooms in his garden, but this room was special because his friends resided inside. Squall sat reading the newspaper, Rinoa and Selphie were playing Zelda and the Ocarina of Time with Quistis as the spectator, and Irvine was polishing his gun.  
  
Zell: How many grocery stores give you a ticket for looking out of place with spiked hair and a tattoo?! I look cool  
  
Quistis: What is your definition of the word?  
  
Irvine: He wouldn't know. He hasn't ever asked me to tell him.  
  
Zell: Hey!  
  
Selphie: Wahooo! I win again! I shall never lose!  
  
Rinoa: /running to Squall and latching onto his arm while he is sitting on the couch by Quistis reading/ Tell her to die so I can have my turn! Pleaaaaaaaase!  
  
Squall:……………../still looking in the paper/ Ask Zell how his day went.  
  
Zell: They fined me 3000 Gil because a lady with black hair tied in a bun on top of her head told me I was a juvinile delinquent and was a bad influence on her 11 year old son whose Black hair was spikier than mine! His hair didn't even have gel in it! She scare the nearest officer into fining me! She is probably the bad influence on her son if he has any! Poor kid at least he was sorry… The bill ticket looks like it says 8000 because the officer who wrote it was shaking so much, and when he was finished writing it he ran to the bathroom!  
  
Irvine:…Rinoa hasn't even asked you yet.  
  
Rinoa: Did you get the groceries?  
  
Zell: Huh? I got hair gel and a stick of high in sugar gum.  
  
Selphie: Your gonna get high?!  
  
Zell: On sugar yeah.  
  
Squall: He better not eat more than a stick. I remember what happened last time he ate sugary gum.  
  
Flashback  
  
Zell: Let's go to Disneyland! /jumps up and down/  
  
Irvine: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! People would be dressed in suits and would be acting like you!  
  
Selphie: My tounge is blue! My mouth is frozen!  
  
Quistis: You shouldn't eat a whole pack of Listerene strips at once.  
  
Rinoa: I'll save you!/casts fire on Selphie/  
  
Selphie: Need cold!  
  
Rinoa:/casts ice on Selphie/  
  
Selphie: Frozen… need warmth.  
  
Rinoa:/thinks Selphie must want lots of warmth summons Ifrit/  
  
Selphie:/burnt to a crisp falls on floor/  
  
Irvine: I will save you!/runs to Selphie singing the Superman theme/I need those clear things they use at the hospital.  
  
Rinoa:I shall summon Shiva!  
  
Zell:/now playing Zelda/ I will defeat you Ganondorf!…Ganondork! Mwahahaha!  
  
Everybody:……………………  
  
Quistis: Oka-y……..Selphie needs water!  
  
Squall: I'm gonna regret this later. Why must I be nice enough to save my psycho friend's life?/summons Leviathon on Selphie/  
  
Selphie: I live again! Zell is gonna buy us all sundaes!  
  
Zell:/loses because of Selphie/ Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
In a matter of 3 seconds Zell and Selphie are fighting with Rinoa and Irvine watching. Quistis is rubbing her temples.  
  
Squall: Quie-t! Shut up or I'll sick Odin on you all!  
  
Everyone stops excluding Quistis who is still rubbing her temples.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Squall: Zell give me the gum. Its for your own good.  
  
Zell:/hugs the gum tightly/ Never!  
  
Squall: I'll give you another pack.  
  
Zell: Okay!  
  
There is a nock on the door and Squall gets the door. Seifer stands there.  
  
Seifer: Hello Squall. How is the forehead? I'm here to issue a ticket to chicken wuss.  
  
Squall: Why?  
  
Seifer: Having illegal substances.  
  
Quistis: I know the rules of this garden. What could Zell have that is against the rules?  
  
Seifer: His gum.  
  
Squall: What kind of rule is that?  
  
Seifer: Dunno. I think some guy payed the headmaster to make it. Now your gum and your 2000 Gil fine.  
  
Zell: What gum?  
  
Seifer: The gum in your hand.  
  
Zell: D'oh!  
  
Seifer: Hey I haven't read today's paper yet./takes Squall's newspaper and leaves?  
  
Squall: My paper!  
  
Irvine:/elbows Squall/ Nothin' bad in it is there?/snickers/  
  
Squall: No!  
  
Rinoa: That was odd. We must go save Squall's paper! /points finger in the air/  
  
Squall: At least she has good intentions. Let's get my paper!  
  
Zell: I need money…  
  
Irvine: Selphie lets go!  
  
Selphie: Whohoooooooo!  
  
  
  
To be continued…. Dun Dun Dun!  
  
  
  
Why is Squall's newspaper so special? Where will Zell find money? Will he get more fines like the title says? Will Quistis find asprin? And will other stuff happen? It might if I receive reviews from nice readers. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase review! Was my first story a success? Bad? Good? Flamable? Do I need to try my luck at a serious one because I suck at humor? I do not care if I am flamed because this story is probably a bad first. Pleaaaaaase give me a review if you can.  
  
The lady in the grocery store that screamed at Zell was Chi Chi and her son was Gohan. 


	2. I Wanna Drive!

The reason I didn't write more is because I'm lazy. Very lazy. Thank you for all my reviews reviewers! I do not own most of the things in this story and that includes the characters and their world among other things. This isn't going to be written in the same format as the last chapter because I want it to look normal I guess. I discovered that fan fic net didn't pick up the italics in my story that were supposed to be thought so I will use ~ instead. But why do other stories have Italics in them, and mine can't?! Oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why?! At the very end of the last chapter when appeared to say Squall said "At least she has good intentions." That was supposed to be thought. Sick of my rambling yet? I am. Now here is the story. Finally! Ch 2!  
  
The mismatched gang of SeeD members and other people, like the daughter of an extremely expected general of an army, are now preparing themselves to go on a hunt for aspirin, a newspaper, and money. Zell was busy frantically searching every corner of the room for any spare piece of Gil he could find, Quistis sat in a chair rubbing her temples hoping to somehow make her headache feel better.  
  
Selphie was about to burst because she had been ready to leave for a good five minutes now, "C'mon lets go already! Action! Adventure! They await us at our destination of greatness!"  
  
Irvine being the one to always agree with Selphie was soon to follow vote for leave, "What could we possible need that hinders our journey? We got items, GFs, weapons, and some other stuff like a slinky for example."  
  
"I need money! Are you blind?! I also need a rabbit's foot, a horse shoe, a four leaf clover, which by the way have any of you seen one, and I need to find a way to steal back my T-board. There are plenty of things keeping us back. And hey, why are you letting Link stand in the middle of Hyrule Field at night with the game un-paused? It's preposterous!" Zell was probably going to rant on about every thing going wrong in his life because today just seemed unlucky, but luckily he was snapped out of it when he noticed the game and TV flicker off as everyone was being ushered out of the room.  
  
"Zell! Let's go! To the parking lot at once." Rinoa pushed him out of the room as he sat there realizing nobody had listened to a word he just said!  
  
In the parking lot there was now a bit of an argument going on who was going to drive the car to Balamb. It was now Quistis who was speaking, "I for one know I'm not driving because of this pounding headache." She didn't receive one obligation to that, but then this squabble was over who was going to drive the car not who wasn't.  
  
"I'll drive! It'll be so fun! Smashing all the Bite bugs on the way. Splat! Ahaha!" Selphie had erupted into a fit of maniacal giggles at the thought.  
  
"But Sephy you get to drive the Ragnarok all the time. Don't I get a turn?" There was no question about whose turn it was to add their say because of the use of the word 'Sephy' by Irvine.  
  
"I thought it was about time I get to drive because I never get to. I'm a great driver! Really." Rinoa was a bit confused on why she wouldn't get to drive, but there is a reason whenever in a car the same man always drives if present.  
  
"I should drive. It'll make me feel better. I won't get a ticket or anything. I pro-. We'll come out alive." Zell would have promised, but if he was gonna drive he had an idea in mind that didn't promote broken promises. ~ If I drive I'll be sure to smash that car deep into the confiscated items door right of its hinges. All those locks and barriers won't even be able to stop me. Oh yeah! ~  
  
After everyone, or so thought, had a chance to say they wanted to drive a fit of bickering broke out between the opposed friends.  
  
"Extermination!"  
  
"Be fair now Sephy!"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"I'll bash that door really good!"  
  
Everybody looked at Zell for a moment like he was an escapee from a mental institution, but then resumed their bickering.  
  
"Splat!"  
  
"Fairness!"  
  
"Deserve!"  
  
"Me!"  
  
"Oh my head.."  
  
"Stop it now! Do you see why if I'm present I always end up driving now?" Squall had snapped, it takes a while depending on his mood, but when it happens if you don't listen you won't remember being unconscious for three days. Besides he knows what happens when they drive, it's not safe at all.  
  
Squall was frowning again lost in thought. ~ If Selphie drives we'll have a real bumpy drive and a dented front of the car, and who knows what the windshield will look like. Ugh, don't even want to think about what the car will look like. If Irvine drives I'm not to thrilled of thinking about what kind of hitchhiking lady he'd pick up. She could be a cannibal, cereal killer, a gay cross dresser like last time (that was awful he was hitting on me!), or maybe some lady with a split personality that believes herself to be a cannibal in one of her sides. The only reason with Rinoa is she has to look at every piece of scenery there is, it takes so long. And Zell, who knows what he is thinking, but all I know is that he has that insane look in his eyes again. ~  
  
"Aww.. I never get a turn to drive." Rinoa said sadly as she entered the car.  
  
"But extermination." Selphie complained.  
  
"In the car." Squall pointed in, there was no way he was making any exceptions with this bunch unless it was Quistis, who is the only one who he has actually seen successful driving from.  
  
"This isn't fair." The cowboy said sullenly as he entered the blue car.  
  
"I wasn't gonna do anything bad."Zell trailed off, it wasn't exactly true, but he didn't consider what he was gonna do as bad.  
  
"Thank you." The instructor entered with a sigh of relief.  
  
The short drive to Balamb was now in session, but right before leaving the parking lot a SeeD came bye. "Disturbing the peace a 3500 Gil fine." he sat the the ticket in Zell's hand leaning out the window of the car right before he left.  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" That one line could be heard all over Garden as the van crammed with a loony group of people who would probably be mistaken for a bunch of nut house escapees that hijacked a SeeD car left for Balamb atlast.  
  
  
  
Yay! I personally don't think it was as funny as the last chapter but in the next chapter there will be a flashback of when Irvine let the cross dresser in the car. Mwahahahahaha! I really would like to thank all my reviewers one more time cause I just love it when people review my stories! Now review with the beautiful blue button people! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaase! I beg of you. Yes, I have resorted to begging. I like how the chapter turned out. Hope you did too! Now I think I MIGHT the next ch now I think maybe.. 


	3. Defected Cars and Wannabe Flashbacks

The 3rd chapter!!!!!! Its here! The Part where I said I'd probably have it out in a week, but um. things happened and I just didn't feel like typing it. I got MSN!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of it too! I saw a part of the Rocky Horror Picture Show last night and boy is that show freaky! When Irvine calls Selphie Sephy I think it sounds a bit to much like what all the Sephiroth fans call Sephiroth gets glares from Obsessed Sephiroth fans because she seems to be insulting their 'pet' name for him so from now on Selphie will be called Sefie. So here it is everybody! Chapter 3! The chapter that everybody could probably live without because this isn't a REALLY REALLY good story, and most people wouldn't have cared if I didn't continue. But anyway here it is, and if you don't care... Uh.. scratches head Uh... just read the story!............. I almost forgot slaps herself in the face I don't own Final Fantasy!!!! But the plot is mine! Ahahahahahaha! You can't take it from me! Never I say!  
  
Our heroes, well that is what some people call them, but right now lets just say they aren't fit for the term because they aren't acting much like heroes. Sitting in the car with Squall and Rinoa up front, Zell and Quistis in the middle, and Irvine and Selphie in the back because nobody wants to see or be too close too their mushiness.  
  
"Are we there yet?" Zell kept saying the line over and over again out of boredom.  
  
"No." Squall gave him the same answer every time he asked.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No!" Squall had a death grip on the steering wheel because of Zell and his 'annoyingness of doom'.  
  
"Really? Are you all that sure? It shouldn't take this long. I mean I could walk to Balamb if I wanted to!"  
  
"Positive." Squall just then realized he didn't have to answer Zell at all, but we'll just say he was being nice.  
  
"Maybe we took that one car that was rigged so it goes like an inch an hour, but you don't know it." Rinoa offered.  
  
"Oh I've heard about that car! It was made so people the garden just wanted to get rid of for a while could take forever driving to their destination and back, so they wouldn't have to see their faces for a while. The car would be issued out to the group or person, and then there they go." Quistis has made a revelation! Her true genius has now been revealed, but everyone already knew she had it. Her headache has also gotten better.  
  
"But we are the essence of cool! At least me anyway." Irvine was a bit surprised that someone would actually do that, especially to him and his friends.  
  
"No way! I am so much cooler than you and your.. hat!" Zell was obviously mad at Irvine's last remark.  
  
Before a fight could break out Selphie's air of niceness dissapeared "Both of you stop this instant! Acting like kids! You might wreck the car or something!", thus both men quieted down; Irvine because he didn't want to upset Selphie, and Zell because he was thinking of getting fined again.  
  
Rinoa suddenly noticed Quistis' sudden silence. "You okay?"  
  
Quistis nodded numbly. It had just dawned on her that Cid was the one he made the issuing forms for the cars, and he knew she would be in the car with them. He knew! So how could he give them the defect car?! Quistis kept from crying though, she was the role model after all.  
  
"Okay, but if you're feeling bad tell me." Rinoa gave her an assuring smile, well at least one that was supposed to make her feel better.  
  
"Yeah. Alright. I'll be fine." Quistis was still in a form of shock, but she'll get better.. Eventually.  
  
"How should we pass the time? It's not like we know how the car works yet, so we need a story to tell. We look like we are driving normally. I think anyway." Zell was getting bored again.  
  
"Story ti-me!" Selphie was almost bouncing up and down at this point. "And I know just the one!"  
  
"Could you please not scream like that?" Irvine said while rubbing his ears.  
  
"Which one? Which one?" Zell couldn't wait for something to get him out of his state of boredness.  
  
Selphie smiled evilly behind Squall's back, but then she resumed to her hyperactiveness. "The perfect one! It also contains comedy!" Just thinking about it almost made her laugh.  
  
"Oh. That one!" Rinoa was suddenly interested, she knew which one they were talking about.  
  
"Oh yeah! Tell it Selphie!" Zell had found entertainment at last.  
  
Irvine was embarrassed, and trying to become one with seat. Squall was in the driver's seat not really understanding what this 'story' was. Squall seems to have inherited a little something from his father.  
  
"Now to start the flashback." Selphie said with a wide grin on her face.  
  
"Flashback?! Nobody said anything about it being a flashback! I thought it was gonna be in story form! I wanna start the flash back." Zell was a bit upset by the fact that Selphie got to start it.  
  
"Well to bad! Its my turn! I came up with the idea! Now to start the flashback, but first Quistis will you be happy and enjoy the flashback? I can't start it until you say yes." Selphie obviously going to let Zell start the flash back.  
  
"Are you gonna ask me if you can tell the story.. er... flashback?" Irvine doesn't seem to want to relive that day.  
  
"No, I'm only going to ask Quistis." Selphie wasn't being too kind at the moment to the guys.  
  
"Sure, tell the flashback story. I need a good laugh anyway." Quistis wasn't going to actually tell her not to tell the story flash back thing after all its hilarious.  
  
Squall finally got tired of listening and decided to join the conversation, but he wasn't going to let on that he didn't know what story, flashback thing they were talking about, "How do you start a flash back anyway?"  
  
"Uh..", was Zell's 'intelligent' answer.  
  
"I never really thought about it." was Selphie's comment.  
  
"Aww, but I won't give up hope on hearing the story!" this 'encouragement' came from Rinoa.  
  
"I don't even know." Quistis' earlier genius was on vacation now because she was clueless with everybody else.  
  
"Hahahahaha! Now you can't tell the story!" Irvine was suddenly overcome with joy at the prospect of not having to relive that monstrocity innocently named a flashback.  
  
"Oh now I remember!" Selphie slaps her forehead as a sign of 'how could I be so stupid', but now she's going to start the flash back and make Irvine feel really bad.  
  
"No...." Irvine was not going to feel to well when it was all over, but at least it would be done with. But some things just like to come back and haunt people too.  
  
And there it is! I didn't get to the flash back yet though, they just had to go and talk the whole time about this and that. Sorry for taking so long in getting this out. Anyway don' ya' just just wanna review?! Don't you feel compelled to review? Isn't your hand moving ever so closer to the review button? Well it should be!!!! And tigerofthewind you where right! The button isn't blue it is purple yes, but I think its purplish blue! Mwahahahahahahaha! Um... Yeah.. Anyway please revieeeeeeew! I appreciate it and stuff! 


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